Recently I wrote something for an organisation that I’m involved with which was very personal but aligned with its purpose. However, since writing it I sense an awkwardness in people combined with a lack of feedback on the article. Even worse, several weeks later it hasn’t yet been published. This has saddened me and got me thinking about how little people sometimes want to hear how it REALLY is for others. My article was genuine, honest, a portrayal for how it was for me caring with a disabled child for many years, but maybe it was too raw for its intended audience. I thought people could potentially relate and benefit from my story, but I forgot that the corporate world doesn’t always appreciate too much honesty. It is too open, too risky. There is an expectation that one should tone their experiences down.
This is part of the reason I struggle with other people. I am very open about my emotions and life experiences; in particular what I have learnt from them. I have no qualms about discussing the details of my private life; indeed I write immensely bout it on my blog. But I guess many people are not as in touch with their emotions as I am, and too much intensity makes them uncomfortable. I’m not as identified with my life as I used to be; I see it as a series of events that happened over time which do not define who I am, because who I am transcends any emotion or experience. I should know it is different for those who are deeply involved in very painful or even traumatic circumstances, as indeed I was, and may be struggling to cope. I thought my experiences may give them some hope, but it seems this can only be if I filter my voice through the expectations of the organisation. This is nearly always the case unless one is lucky enough to work for themselves.
This is what makes me want to pick up a tent, my dog and cat, several duvets, clothes and my phone (of course!) and live in a forest somewhere. If only I had the ability to grow my own food and provide enough shelter for my daily living needs. But sadly it is not possible. I can only feel grateful for this blog and the few people with whom I can be truly honest and maybe even help along the way.
My Inner Light 
sarah I am so sorry that you have had this exprience. I can totally agree with you that this happens. I am sorry to be late in responding as I read this yesterday and typed out a long response to you and then could not find the send button to send my reply. I am typing it now and as my husband is here at the moment he can then show me where the send button is. I know just what you mean about intensity. I get the same responses. In fact only last night someone came to my blog when I had opened up and she said something horrible so I responded to her and then trashed the post because I didn’t want anyone else to respond like that. I don’t know what it is Sarah but it is hurtful when it happens and I too often want to just withdraw. Your blog is good and authentic and at least you do feel comfortable to post your true self in here. Ia m glad. I can’t say I feel as safe in my blog but that is just how it is. I feel sad that the organisation could not publish what you had written and thus enable others to learn from your experience. Please forgive me if I can’t often comment on your blog. I do read it but like many other blogs that is often all that I can do because of the blindness and of course WP keeps on changing things. Keep writing your heart Sarah. Xx
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Thank you so much for your understanding and empathy. Yes, it is really hard. I’m so sorry that you had a horrible comment on your blog. I can’t understand people who feel the need in respond in such a way. I think maybe it’s fear and that some people are scared of our openness and honesty? It doesn’t make it easier to cope with though. It can feel lonely. I hope you keep posting as I love your blog and your honesty too. You are very gifted. No worries at all that you can’t often comment, I totally understand. Btw the way I don’t always feel safe on my blog when I talk about issues with my son but luckily for me people have generally been very understanding. We’ll just have to keep on sharing no matter how others react xx
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Keep going and standing up for what you believe in , Sarah.
Just create, xpress thoughts and share
“a former square peg in the corporate world”
‘Sharing in caring’
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Thank you I appreciate it.
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That’s a shame they did not use your written story. Their loss and probably the wrong organisation to be with if they want to filter the truth. That was a waste of your time and as you were hoping, your story could have helped someone else. X
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Thank you for your support Liz. Yes it’s pretty ridiculous and hurtful. Sorry for the late reply, I’ve had a rough few days x
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That’s ok. You take care. X
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