I’ve been reading tarot for myself every day but haven’t had much chance to write about my spreads. Today’s spread is an especially interesting one to examine in depth because I feel in a completely different place to how I was last weekend when I was caught in the aftermath of Mother’s day grief. Today I’m happier, calmer, more connected to myself and to my son who I visited on Thursday and plan to visit again next week. Life feels…..okay. Spring is in the air. I’m taking care of myself and remembering that my emotional states are simply that….states, not a prescription for reality. Emotions are how we process our experiences and thoughts and have important information for us, but they are not who we are. They flow with intelligence and wisdom when we open to them without clinging and do not resist their input.

With this in mind, this was today’s spread:

Card 1: 6 of Cups

Card 2: Page of Cups

Card 3: 3 of Swords

Card 4: Ace of Cups

Add-on card: Queen of Pentacles

My first thought was what a lot of cups! The suit of Cups represents emotions, the unconscious, creativity, psychic development, which is very apt considering how emotional the last two weeks have been. I had to break the spread down to really see what it was saying.

The 6 of Cups is about nostalgia. It says that the past needs to be honoured for what it was and what I have learnt from it, but do not get stuck there. It is also an invitation to get in touch with my childlike energy and bring that forth into the present. Interestingly, I keep dreaming about babies which is very suggestive of this card and my need to nurture the child part of me. In a sense the grief over my son is also about my own inner child, particularly as I have been longing for another child of my own that will never be. Of course some of this longing is about motherhood, but it is also my soul reminding me that to become truly whole I need to be compassionate towards the younger version of myself whose needs were not met.

This makes the next card, Page of Cups, extremely relevant because the Page is all about the childlike version of ourselves! It is inviting me to explore my creative and emotional self and, most importantly, look after my inner child, be creative (a link to my post yesterday about the child part of me who knew I was a writer…until I grew up: https://wordpress.com/post/path-of-light.uk/857) and remain open to all possibilities in life; do not get lost in doubts or judgements.

Very interestingly, placed in between Page of Cups and Ace of Cups (which have similar meanings) is the 3 of Swords, which is about none other than grief. This card is a reminder that there is a time for mourning and healing, and the clouds will dissipate, but also to look at the root of the pain for sometimes it isn’t what we think it is. As above, it is not just my longing to be a mother again but a call from my wounded inner child who needs to be parented. This card can also be an invitation to examine how our thoughts are influencing our emotions and how we can look at a situation with a different perspective.

Finally, the Ace of Cups, like all aces, is about new beginnings; this time in my emotional life. It is a card of emotional contentment, joy, connection to self and others, and most importantly perhaps, self love. It may also mean repressed emotions which still need to be expressed but that positive times are ahead. It is a card of Wholeness, symbolised by the ace.

The add-on card at the end of the pack was the Queen of Pentacles, which is interesting as she’s a very practical Queen who is caring, nurturing, practical and grounded. This card may be saying that I need to be mindful to find a balance between emotions and practicality, particularly as I focus on healing my inner child; in this sense the Queen could indeed be the parent that I wish to embody because she is grounded in reality and provides for her loved ones without becoming overly emotional. A hard balance to find, to be sure. She is the very manifestation of security and abundance, showing me what is possible in this life, not necessarily literally but on a soul level, as I continue to grow and heal.

I am still very much a beginner but I love reading the ‘story’ of the cards and how this may be relevant to my energies in the moment. It is so important to remember that energies, such as emotions, are always fluid, so the cards do not necessarily prescribe what will happen in the future; the truth is there is no future: there is only now. What they do is provide a window into the unconscious so we are more aware of what we may be experiencing or projecting in this moment. We may then have more insight into the choices we wish to make or the experiences we are having to live a more conscious and fulfilling life.