Honouring my experiences and moving forward

Today’s tarot spread was another powerful one but I wasn’t surprised. I have a bad cold and felt really unwell yesterday. As is often the case with me, being sick with a virus triggered some powerful emotions that have been festering since Sunday without expression. For some reason my Mother’s Day sadness was determined to cling on and suck all the energy out of me and, true to form, I went down with it. My thoughts took on the theme of existential sadness until the horrible mix of constant sneezing and stagnated grief became unbearable and last night I began to cry so hard that I thought I would die from the grief. Thoughts swirled around my childhood, my son, my health, my life and the inevitable loss of those I love so deeply. In short, I felt the utter despair of someone whose life has been far from ideal. It’s a real grief and I absolutely own it.

But I also know the value of acknowledging and moving past it. Not getting stuck in it. Not making an identity out of it. Not that ‘identity’ or ‘story’ are dirty words: they’re not. People need to tell their story in order to move on. People need to assign themselves an identity when they’ve been brought up having no clue how to relate to themselves or the world. I’m a big believer in embracing every aspect that makes us human. We each need to heal from the world up. There’s no sense in trying to transcend our ‘story’ before actively owning and processing it. It will still eat away at the subconscious, causing massive suffering. All we can do is bring the mind of awareness to our thoughts and emotions wherever we happen to be in the process of healing without trying to escape or cling. Maybe this is the ‘middle way’ that the Buddha talked about.

Anyway, this was my remarkable spread as I asked the now common question: what do I most need to know today?

Card 1: Wheel of Fortune

Card 2: Justice

Card 3: The Moon

Card 4: Judgement

Add-on (end of shuffle): 3 of Pentacles

My tarot teacher likes to call the Wheel of Fortune my stalker card! I have to say it does pop up quite a lot. I believe that in this spread it is pointing to completion. It is reminding me that the phase of my life that I am grieving for is over. I don’t have to get stuck in those old feelings and emotions but let them pass through. Life is in constant flux and change and I am witnessing the end of an era and beginning of something new.

The Justice card has come up a few times too. I wonder if this is pointing to my longing for life to be fair and make sense, which of course it doesn’t. Life was never meant to be fair as otherwise there wouldn’t be the mess that we all see in the news. Earth wasn’t designed to be fair but to provide fertile ground for awakening. If everything happened the way we wanted to we would have no need to awaken to anything more. We would be happy just living our Earthly lives. It had to be this way. But it’s hard to see that when you’re on the receiving end of some pretty unjust circumstances. The card may also remind me that I need to find balance just now. I need to balance my emotions and intellect, listen to my spirit but remain grounded.

And the Moon is deeply relevant too. It is about the subconscious of course, but also about illusions and shadows. It is a reminder that things are not always what they seem. Be willing to see. Be brave enough to take off the shell and be vulnerable. This will pay off. And always trust my intuition.

The Judgement card has now come up several times. This is the card of rebirth, transformation and growth. It is saying: Listen to the call of your spirit. Remember how far you have come. Do not get pulled back into illusions and shadows (Moon) or ideas about how things should be (Justice). Trust your higher self and view your life from a higher state of consciousness. All will be revealed to you. It is interesting that the number of Judgement is 20 and I dreamed last night I was pregnant with two babies (not twins). A co-incidence maybe? Who indeed knows but I suspect not. In any case the zero is always about wholeness and cycles, as seen in the wheel of fortune and Judgment.

The add on card is about my Earthly life and need for connections. It is saying that I can find genuine happiness in other people and this is not to be devalued.

As always, the spread helped me further understand what is going on for me right now and keep me focused on the path, honouring all my experiences along the way without allowing them to stay any longer than they need to.

Remembering my connections

I asked the cards what I most need to know today, particularly in relation to parenting. The spread is as follows:

Card 1: 2 of Wands

Card 2: 5 of Wands

Card 3: The Hierophant

Card 4: King of Swords

Add-on (end of pile): 10 of Cups

As a beginner of tarot it took a bit of time for me to read this spread as it seems a bit of a mixed bag, perhaps representing my mixed emotions at present! But this is what I came up with:

The 2 of Wands is about balance and harmony. It requires me to take a step back and view the bigger picture and reminds me that I am capable of that and have done this many times in my life, whether to do with my son or any other issue.

Then…5 of Wands is the challenge card. It is interesting that both this card and the Hierophant are fives. I am feeling challenged just now, particularly in relation to parenting but also in terms of my spiritual path more generally. This card is saying be mindful of my internal battle and adapt to the challenges and changes in my life. Find the harmony amongst the adversity.

The Hierophant is an interesting card to pop up. Not only is it also a five, it suggests the need for guidance from trusted sources and old traditions. From this, I’m wondering if it points to my personal history and ancestry, perhaps even reminding me that I am inseparable from and thus always connected to my soul family regardless of the challenges that face me in this life.

Finally, the King of Swords represents clarity, intellect and logic. He has reached a point on his path where he can deal with complex issues with ease. Maybe he represents that part of me who has sought to understand my journey and reach a point of acceptance. He is saying….you’ve got this, you’re strong, you’ve walked the path of your difficult thoughts and emotions and you’re okay with them. He may also be saying…don’t neglect compassion in the face of logic. Don’t live in your head at the expense of your heart.

The add-on card made me smile. The 10 of Cups is all about family…feeling contented, joyful and happy within a family setting. It’s all about appreciating our loved ones and feeling in alignment in relationships. How apt that this card carries the theme of family! It reminds me that I do have those things, not in the way I hoped, but I can feel content and happy nonetheless with the people I do have in my life and in my role as a mother. This spread may be pointing to my need to deal with the turbulent feelings around motherhood, take a step back, remind myself of my connections and soul family, and draw upon my resources in dealing with my life thus far. I am always at peace and connected, deep within.

The call of my spirit

Today’s spread is a reminder of the challenges that I face on the path of life!

All the cards I pulled were from the major arcana, representing major life lessons, which is significant in itself.

My spread:

Card 1: Death

Card 2: Judgement

Card 3: The High Priestess

Card 4: Strength

Add on: Devil

What a spread! Firstly, many people are scared of the death card, but it is actually a very positive card within a spread. It doesn’t mean that anyone is going to die or foreshadow anything terrible; it points to transformation into a better state of being, which inevitably does involve letting go of something, whether that’s old habits or perceptions or possibly a relationship, but it always means moving forward into something better. In my case the death card shows I am trying to let go of the past and live more in the present each day, as well as live in mindful awareness of thoughts and beliefs that limit me.

Then follows the judgement card, which also despite its name is very positive. This is a card of listening to the calling of one’s spirit. Like the death card, it points to transformation, resurrection and being accountable. The death card was saying this is what I need to do, whereas the judgement card is saying now put it into action and follow through with it. Moreover, it is saying that I have emerged from many trials and now I need to reflect on my choices and look at what I must become in this higher state of awareness.

Therein enters the High Priestess card and this beautiful lady represents the moon and the power of the unconscious. She is saying I can trust my intuition and let it be my guide for all the wisdom I need is within me. I also need to be mindful of illusions and my shadow self which may try to sabotage my progress.

Finally, the strength card speaks for itself: this journey is tough and I need strength to do it. It is also my birth card and number (8) which is about action, perfection and rebirth.

The add-on card at the end of the shuffle was – would you believe – the Devil himself! I believe this card is a reminder that underlying this spread is the message that temptation to fall back into old ways of being is a constant companion on this journey. The Devil may appear in the form of old habits, desires, addictions, patterns that lurk beneath the surface of life. But the other cards are showing me that I can deal with these by letting them go, listening to the call of my spirit, remaining in touch with my intuition, being strong, and having the humility to recognise these temptations and not thinking I am above them.

I love how apt the cards always are and it seems with each spread the more powerful the message.

Owning my power

I’ve been studying tarot at an evening class for several weeks and I want to try and advance my knowledge by interpreting my own spreads here. I’m amazed by their accuracy, particularly over time as I become accustomed to using them. My tarot teacher says to ‘form’ a relationship with my cards whereby they get used to my energy and in turn provide more helpful readings for myself and others.

I’m always open to suggestions and interpretations from anyone else used to reading tarot so feel free to comment if you feel so inclined.

Today’s reading consists of the following in a 4 part spread, along with the bottom of the shuffled pile as an add on:

Card 1: The Emperor

Card 2: 6 of Cups

Card 3: 5 of Swords

Card 4: The Magician

Add on: Ace of Cups

Straight away I could see this spread is about masculine energy and power. The Emperor represents my need for structure and guidance from a trusted mentor in my life, and perhaps even from these cards themselves. They may also be a reminder for me to set some boundaries and be assertive in my life, particularly after a very recent decision to block someone who was violating my boundaries. The Emperor is a 4 card, which also points to a need for stability and the laying of a foundation in order to move forward.

Then we go to card 2, which is showing me that emotionally I’m feeling nostalgic about the past just now, as indeed I had a difficult dream about a family member last night which has left me feeling shaky and very in touch with my inner child. The card is also a reminder that I can get in touch with that child, nurture her, but let the past be in the past and not get stuck there but keep on moving forward as this is where my power lies. The number 6 is about getting in alignment and finding inner harmony which also resonates deeply as I re-connect with old feelings of loss and grief.

But haha – then card 3 – the 5 of Swords – shows me that my external environment is proving a challenge and I need to be mindful of using my power in the wrong ways. It is reminding me that I need to choose my battles wisely and decide for myself what I’m fighting for, what I’m taking with me from the past, how I want to structure my life, without being swayed by external circumstances and difficult people. 5 is always a number of conflict and it’s for me to decide how I manage that conflict in the right way, by setting appropriate boundaries.

The main spread finishes with a really positive card – the Magician – which again is all about masculine energy and power, but rather than the Emperor, which is about the power of structure and discipline and guidance – which is all positive in and of itself – it is pointing to the fact I have control over my own path and that I can trust my intuition. It is a card of personal power, manifestation, and creativity. It is a reminder that I can believe in myself and trust the opportunities that present themselves. The Magician is number 1, which is of course a great number for manifesting and coming into one’s own power!

And then, most interestingly, the card at the bottom of the pack – the Ace of Cups – refers to emotional fulfilment and self-love, joy and happiness, particularly from a very young aspect of me, which is another reminder that to live in my own power means to embrace the inner child in the here and now. New beginnings can then emerge, symbolised by the Ace.

In short, a very relevant and positive spread.