My suffering and the story of Jesus

The story of Jesus reminds me that suffering doesn’t have to separate us from God or mean that we have failed, it brings God to us, right here, right now, suffering with us and for us and AS us.

I haven’t posted for some weeks because I’ve had so much going on, some good, some bad, mainly bad. I went abroad for a few days to Turkey, something I’d wanted to do in many years but been too unwell. It wasn’t easy but with special assistance booked and a mobility scooter hired I managed it and feel very happy that I did.

Unfortunately, I knew in advance it was a risky time to go away with everything going on with my son but it was booked ages ago and the only time my friend and her family could make it, so I took the chance. The last night there I heard that my son had been hospitalised due to unmanageable behaviour and his grandmother was no longer capable of having him. The previous assisted living staff did all they could but are no longer involved. My son remains in hospital. There is now a new care agency supporting him there, but no accommodation for him to be moved into. There is no medical need for him to be in hospital and no clinical need for mental health sectioning. Whilst the professionals involved are trying hard to find accommodation, there is nothing.

I can’t put into words the pain of thinking of my son in hospital and exactly what happened when he got there. Sometimes pain is beyond anything I could say. All I can do is have faith that something will work out for him. He DOES have a placement to go to in the autumn but it’s currently a building site and won’t be ready until September at least. This is something to be thankful for despite the wait. The problem is finding somewhere for him in the meantime.

For a lot of my life I’ve believed that suffering separates us from God/The Divine – that if I’m experiencing ‘negative’ emotions, something is wrong and I’m not feeling God’s peace. It is true that when we become still, we feel the peace that passes understanding – that goes beyond the mind. We leave behind our troublesome thoughts and experience what is always present. But God is there in the suffering too. Regardless of what one believes about the story of Jesus – fact, fiction or myth – its point is that God isn’t apart from this world, he entered into it willingly, showing us that through his creation we are all part of him and never alone.

The symbolism of the cross and the entire crucifixion is the state of being crucified between Heaven and Earth – not fully human or Divine, but a bit of both – and existing in that space, neither here nor there. It’s a tough place to be once one fully realises it. I feel lost in this world, devastated by my suffering, my son’s suffering – neither of us belonging here or anywhere; myself longing for my spiritual home to the point nothing motivates me here but the need to become fully immersed in God. This is why the religion of my childhood – Christianity – draws me in – its a faith of love and suffering and promise of resurrection – what some may call a new state of consciousness, a living with Christ, in whatever form that takes.

I’m holding onto that faith. Right now it’s all I can do.

8 thoughts on “My suffering and the story of Jesus

  1. I feel your pain Sarah as I am being challenged in my life very heavily at this time. Enduring pain and suffering is incredibly difficult and your circumstances are very hard. It would and is easy to fall into despair, anguish , resentment and bitterness at the cruel hand you have been dealt in life, especially when you see so many others living a carefree life.

    But you are being challenged because you are being asked to grow, to shine your light and become a beacon of hope and understanding, that through your experiences, you can help so many who need to know that they aren’t alone in their journey, Someone else is going through similar trials and tribulations if not the same. Your account of your experiences is indeed reaching people, bringing out the best of people so to speak. People are finding compassion, love, forgiveness, empathy and a desire to help others within themselves through your words.

    This is not an easy or fair world to live in, but for those who react to their seemingly negative experiences for positive outcomes, then The Kingdom of Heaven opens it’s doors and welcomes them in… And you Sarah are a very welcome guest within this home that will greet you when it’s time.

    It’s we who in our suffering forget and close ourselves off to that ever loving presence that is always there, not the other way around. Indeed a whole host sits upon your shoulder being
    begging to be invited to share in your daily round of activities. To offer help and guidance, to lighten the load and brighten your day.

    It’s we who get attached to certain outcomes and think that our prayers and asking for help goes unanswered. Help us always available, but we have a life to live and experiences to gather, so that our star, in the ascendancy is bright in the night sky. For those who remain untroubled and untouched by suffering, nothing learned, nothing gained.

    Please take these humble words from someone who also walks the hard path as a sign that you are not alone on your journey..


  2. Really no emotion is unacceptable in Gods eyes.. I am looking into the reality of Mary Magdalene lately and I had many visions of her weeping over Christ’s dead body after my marriage ended and I was in Glastonbury.. God counts everyone of your tears and he understands all of your anger and fears, sadly the later church judged certain emotions as ‘negative’ but they never are its how we deal with them that can be positive (life enhancing) or negative (life denying) How is your son doing now?


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