The thought of another lockdown terrifies me. I’m not even sure why. What am I really scared of? What am I afraid of losing? I have an upcoming mini-Christmas with someone very dear to me and I don’t want that not to happen, but if a lockdown did take place, we could surely re-arrange it. I am planning to spend Christmas with family as I couldn’t last year, and I don’t want that to be cancelled either, but likewise, we could hopefully re-arrange, albeit with the nightmare of lockdowns earlier in the year we never did.
I’m scared because none of it is in my control. I’m not keen on the term ‘ego’ for various reasons but the younger, scared, mind-identified, isolated part of me believes she won’t cope without the people and things she loves most. The irony is that my life doesn’t really change all that much, lockdown or not. I am volunteering and working to start a business from home due to my health limitations, and now, with the threat of Covid never ending, I imagine that situation will become far from unusual. I still have my dog, thank goodness, and I can see and speak to those I care about via Facetime, although that isn’t the same of course. I hate not being able to go places and see the people I want; no one likes to feel their choices have been taken away, however good the reason may seem to be. I miss my meditation group and while there are plenty of online options, they never feel the same.
But no, it’s not about any of those things; my fear comes from both the loss of control and the almost tangible sense of fear that I absorb from the world daily. I really need to limit my exposure to the media as I know that doesn’t help. It isn’t just the media though, it’s people’s differing viewpoints on vaccinations and covid and the government – I’m taking in their words and feeling their anxieties, leading to emotional overwhelm. I don’t claim to have any particular viewpoint other than I want – need – to keep it simple. I will look at the evidence and do what I think is best…and that’s the best I can do. But the energy of fear in the world right now is impacting on me. I think I need to look closer at this and take further steps to protect myself.
I can focus on what I CAN control, which is how much information I am willing to expose myself to in order to keep myself emotionally and spiritually healthy.
I can choose how to RESPOND to the information I read, since my response dictates how I feel about it. While I cannot control whether or not there will be a lockdown or my sense of being out of control, I can focus on my thoughts about this and what I can proactively do within my own life to improve my wellbeing and that of other people.
Perhaps most importantly, I can PRAY for guidance and faith when I feel I am too lost in confusion and fear, reminding myself that prayer sets the intention to remember the light that I am.
Existential issues such as isolation, meaning, loss and death are familiar to us all and are what make us human. Regardless of how spiritually aware we are, everyone struggles with one or more of these at various times in their life. However one feels about the current worldly situation, there is no denying that it’s brought us face to face with the existential realities of life and it’s more important than ever to face faith in the light and not get lost in the darkness of fear, however prevalent it is in the world. As an empath, it is perhaps harder than most to ‘shake off’ the painful energies surrounding us, but with greater attention and intention, and asking for help from God, guides, or our own Higher Self, we can reaffirm the light within us and return to the love that we are.